do your worst and your best
by conv. hearts
Summary: They can't help it - they never could, really. They start drifting apart, bit by bit, by tragedy, by rumor, by differing paths, and this time, everyone is watching while they collapse. / Akatsukicentric. / AU.
1. Chapter 1

**do your worst and your best.**

ye be warned: swearing.

_chapter one._

**konan.**

It's the second Monday we've had to spend in class this school year, and I'm still not into the groove of things. My summer was slow and sleepy, and I'm starting to regret that I signed up for Human Biology, Pre-Calc, Practical Law, and a slew of other classes where you have to _think _instead of just stare blankly at the board.

Then again, it seems like pretty much everyone else in the room is just staring blankly at the board right now, so I don't really feel too bad about it. Deidara, Pein, Hidan, Itachi and I are all in Human Bio, our last class of the day, and Itachi's the only one of us who's bothered to open his notes up. There are a few sophomores – some of the more diligent-looking boys and a couple girls who don't look like much fun – who are taking notes too, but that could just be because this is the first year sophomores have been allowed to take this class. Maybe they think they have to prove themselves, or something.

Well, I notice as I glance a few seats down from me that Hidan and Deidara have a notebook between them, and I'm sure they look diligent from the_ front_ of the room – they're each marking things down in the book almost constantly and Deidara has an intense look of concentration on his face – but the truth is that they're playing Dots and drawing obscene pictures of other students. I'm not sure if the teacher, Mr. Morino, has noticed or not, but if he has, he's ignoring them for the time being.

I'm_ trying_ to pay attention – I don't really have anyone good to talk to me, because I'm sitting between Itachi and some dark-haired sophomore whose name I haven't learned yet – but it's not that easy to get yourself interested in the function of the lac operon, especially when you have twenty minutes until school ends and Hidan and Deidara's whispers are getting louder and louder.

I think they're drawing the sophomore beside me now; they keep looking in our direction and snickering. Her face is getting redder and redder, and her nose is getting closer and closer to the page she's taking notes on. I kind of feel bad for her – and I'm not sure what their drawing entails; I mean, she's pretty enough, with long dark hair and light eyes. They usually make fun of the less pretty girls.

Then again, they could be drawing pictures of me. If so, I _know_ the pictures are damned obscene. I've _seen _some of the notebook pages they've dedicated to me; I think they just do it to piss me off. I'm told I make lovely scenes when I'm in the right mood, and they're both drama-whores.

Drama-whores who I've been friends with since second grade, mind you.

I doodle a quick cat on the back of my notebook and think about actually writing something useful down, but before I can get around to it, a piece of paper rolls right under my hand. A quick glance up shows me that Pein's the one who threw it – he's sitting across the table from me and looking way too smug. Not getting caught passing notes isn't _really _something to have that kind of canary-eating grin over. Maybe the note has something good inside?

I make a face at him and uncrumple the paper, squinting to figure out what it says. Pein's handwriting is atrocious, and I've never gotten the hang of deciphering it, but I'm pretty sure he's written:

_Are u going home or 2 town w us?_

Well, no need to be smug about that either. I don't know what his deal is.

I'm about to scratch down my own answer – _going to town. I don't have anything to do at home. – _when Mr. Morino _finally_ barks at someone. "Give me that paper!"

Shit. Sounds like he's barking at _me_.

I glance up at him, positive I look like a puppy that's just been kicked – I am a good kid, dammit, and I don't need a detention in the second week of school! – but he's not looking at me. He's looking…past me?

Oh. Deidara and Hidan. Neither of _them _looks particularly guilty; they're pretty used to teachers stopping class purely to call them out. At least, Deidara has his blue-eyed-blonde-innocent face on. Hidan just looks…tired. Huh. Maybe it's a new strategy for warding off detentions.

If they're lucky, they'll get out of this one.

"We don't have a paper, Morino," Deidara points out, tapping the notebook cover they were playing Dots on. "Sorry. Konan's got one, though. Talk to her!"

He sticks his tongue out at me, and I would do the same to him, but Mr. Morino's eyes swivel towards me just for a second.

I do a lame little _hand-covering-oh-what-I-have-nothing-here-sir_ move and pillow my chin on my hand, trying to mimic Deidara's innocent look. I'm not very good at it, so it's my good luck that Mr. Morino basically ignores me.

"I don't care about Konan's paper; she's probably taking _notes,_ like the rest of the class –"

False. Very false. I can see some of the annoying sophomores across the room, a pink-haired one and a couple of blondes, sniggering at the suggestion that they might be taking notes. Itachi's brother is sitting beside them; he mutters something to them and they shut up pretty quick.

" – instead of distracting everyone around them. Come on. Hand over the notebook." Mr. Morino doesn't move from his spot in front of the chalkboard, just holds out his hand and waits for one of them to come up and give up their game. For some of the other teachers, this probably wouldn't work, but Morino is huge and thoroughly fucking terrifying when he works himself up well enough. I mean, he's got the build of a football player and some seriously nasty scars on his head – I heard someone say that he was attacked by a fucking _bear_ when he was in college.

Somehow, I don't doubt that he's going to win this, and judging by the whispers I can catch from around the room, neither does anyone else.

I mean, if he faced a bear, he can take Hidan and Deidara. If that's even true. But whatever.

While Mr. Morino's been talking, Deidara's been furiously and completely obviously scribbling out various drawings and Hidan's been – well, completely ignoring both of them. I guess I should be proud. He could be "fucking this" and "fucking that" all over the place, and –

Ew.

He could be _cussing_ all over the place, and I hate listening to his bitching. I mean, don't get me wrong – they're both my friends, even if Deidara tried to sell me out and Hidan's a whiny little girl, but there's only so much you can take.

Deidara finally slouches up to the front of them room and flips the cover, which he's ripped from the back of his notebook, into Mr. Morino's waiting hand. Morino takes it with a smug little teacher-smirk and glances at it briefly before tossing it onto his desk.

Deidara slouches back to his seat, and I pick up my pencil, ready after that little break to take some notes. There's only ten minutes of class left, anyway. I guess I should get an _okay_ start to the year.

Mr. Morino turns back to the board once everyone's settled down and quiet again, and picks up his chalk. Then, with full-on teacher smirk, he turns back around and nods at Hidan and Deidara.

"Whichever one of you is playing with the red pen has a terrible strategy. Don't close up all of the outer lines first. Black pen was going to grind you into the dust."

Then, he puts his chalk on the board, ignores the stifled laughter that's going around the room, and starts scrawling notes on the lac operon across the board again. I toss Pein's note back at him, don't bother to check his reaction, and do my best to copy down the basics of the operon in the eight minutes we have left.

**xxx**

Twenty minutes later, I'm leaning against the hood of Kakuzu's car, waiting in the goddamned humidity for him to show up already. I _hate_ waiting, almost as much as Sasori does – especially when Kakuzu doesn't usually do this to me unless he has a meeting with a teacher after school to grade-grub.

We only live about ten minutes apart, and I'm on his way, so he usually gives me a ride to and from school. It wasn't that easy convincing him, but once I pointed out that I'd be saving money by carpooling – and that I'd give him ten bucks a week for driving me to and from school – he warmed up to the idea.

Okay, so it was mostly – entirely – the ten bucks a week.

Of course, today, we're not going straight home. We're _all _going to one of the parks about twenty miles outside of town – all ten of us - mostly to just mess around and hang on to the last shreds of summer before the crushing reality of junior year sets in for about half of us, and the torment of senioritis sets in for the rest.

Most of the other student-driven cars are gone, and with them, most of the students. Deidara, Hidan, Kisame, Zetsu, and Tobi all piled into a car about ten minutes ago and went screeching out of the lot on ancient tires; they've been carpooling in Deidara's car, because it's the prettiest. It's also the shittiest, when you get down to mechanics. I don't _care _if Deidara's painted all over it and it _looks_ good as new. That thing is a deathtrap, especially with all five of them in it and Deidara behind the wheel.

Kakuzu finally enters my line of sight, jogging down the stairs in front of the school with something tinfoil balanced on his hand.

I yell in his direction before he even makes it to the foot of the stairs, my voice carrying well across the flat parking lot and bus lane. "Took you long enough!"

"Why, no, you're not getting a bite of my pizza!" He yells back, crossing the parking lot to stand beside me and not bothering to lower his voice. I don't _think_ he misheard me. I think he's just dodging me. "Would you get in the car already? Or would you like to loiter here for another hour or so?"

Let me tell you one thing about Kakuzu: he looks creepy, with scars all over his face and arms, and he acts like a total asshole with his constant sarcasm and money-whoring, but he's not such a bad guy. Once you get past all of his bad qualities and start seeing that he's, you know, a good friend. Loyal and honest and whatnot.

Most of my friends are like that, unfortunately – at least, the whole seeing-past-the-asshole-exterior part. Maybe it's telling that these are the only people who want to spend time with me.

But I love them anyway. It's mandatory, when you've been friends for as long as we all have.

Anyway, it's not like Kakuzu got his scars in a gang fight or self-mutilation frenzy or anything like that, so it's not really a mark of how tough or fucked up or anything he is – nothing like the rumors that started to flit around the school when he moved here about five years ago. It was a car crash, and he was damned lucky to have survived it. I don't know why he didn't do some kind of facial reconstruction, to hide those scars, and I've never asked. There's certain territory you don't touch on, and it took him a long time to explain the whole crash thing to us in the first place.

I jerk open the passenger door and try to snatch the pizza out of his hand while he crosses over to the driver's side, but no dice. The boy's got some damn good reflexes. We both drop our backpacks into the back seat and he jerks the car into drive, scowling at his dashboard.

"Remind me to get the damn drive shaft checked out."

This, I must admit, makes me panic _just a little._ You would think he would be the one more worried about car malfunction.

Surprise! He's not. He most certainly _is not._ I'm not entirely trusting of other drivers. It's something I'm working on.

"What do you mean, _get it checked out?_ If there's something wrong, we can just call Itachi, he's a good driver and he can take us to the park – " I start patting the dashboard, like that's going to help anything, and talking just a little bit too fast. Kakuzu gives me one of those you're-an-idiot looks and slaps the dashboard himself.

The radio booms into life. Apparently, that's broken as well.

He speaks over one of Nickelback's older songs. "It's not broken or anything. It just doesn't always catch in the right spots. Getting this thing parked right is a bitch. Anyway. Itachi's probably already there; there's absolutely no reason for him to drive all the way back here when we've got a working car. And I just asked you to remind me because you're good about remembering things like that."

Kakuzu takes the drive out of the parking lot at a speed that's only slightly less dangerous than that of the other boys', and we're on our way to the arboretum.

* * *

><p>For anyone who read crocfarm, hey thar. ;)<p>

For anyone who doesn't know what crocfarm is, don't worry. Doesn't matter so much. Hey thar. ;)

Alright, I'm sorry. The first chapter was boring and nearly-pointless setting-things-up. As a reward for reading the setup, you got foreshadowing and hints that ALL IS NOT WELL IN CERTAIN WORLDS. Also, a very tiny pair of possible pairing hints.

And Ibiki fought a BEAR, guys. And then became a HUMAN BIOLOGY TEACHER. OBVIOUSLY, THESE ARE TRUEFAX. 3 Props to anyone who can tell me how the lac operon works. ;)

I still want a beta, and I'm not too picky. ;)

Feel free to bitch, whine, constructively criticize, whatever about the pacing, characters, plot, whatever.

- conversation hearts;;

(Oh, and for anyone who's read anything else I've written – look! Over two thousand words in and Deidara has not died, been kidnapped, been maimed, or otherwise physically abused! I also did not mention Ino by name! Progress!)

(edit: and dammit, lemme know when it looks like ff's fuckin' up my formatting. FF THIS IS NOT FUNNY I PUT THOSE RULERS AND SPACES THERE FOR A REASON.)


	2. Chapter 2

**do your worst and your best.**

ye be warned: swearing.

and, uh, possibly didn't say this earlier, but the POV changes depending on the bolded name. hence, this chapter is Deidara's POV. c;

_chapter two._

**deidara.**

So there's this straight stretch of road right before you hit the turnoff for the park, yeah, and since it's fairly long, you can get a car up to some _fine_ speeds on it. When Sasori was still letting me drive his sexy little Mercedes, I got it all the way up into the 120's on this stretch.

But then Sasori went and wrapped his sexy little Mercedes around a deer, and got both of us stuck with shitty secondhand cars. Asshole. And he won't let me drive his new, shitty car, because he's convinced that I'm the reason he wrecked. Asshole. Drivers shouldn't fight with their much smarter passengers over what station to put the radio on.

Anyway, we're on that straight stretch without any cars or animals around us, and my car is finally hitting the 90's when Tobi starts whining. (This is why he sits in the back, yeah.)

"Deidara, Tobi doesn't think this is a good idea! They showed us pictures of what happens to people who drive like you in homeroom last year! Tobi doesn't want to lose a leg!"

I'm not gonna bother letting him know that I don't give a damn. Driving this fast, with all the windows down and Tobi screaming bloody murder in the backseat might be the closest I ever get to flying. And I'm not worried about losing a leg. I mean, damn, what are the chances of that? Seriously. The chances of me getting into a car crash because of my speed, are like, less than me winning the lottery, or something.

Anyway, the rest of the guys in the car don't care about how I drive, even though I think that normally they might be yelling at me to go faster. Hidan's sitting in the back and staring out the window; Kisame's got his earphones in and can't hear a damn thing over From First to Last; Zetsu's talking to me even though I'm not really listening, and he's basically chill anyway, so I doubt he cares either way about me speeding.

This is the best part about hanging out with everyone, you know? Doing stupid shit, even if today no one seems to be in the mood to participate. Shaving a few years off the far end of Tobi's life. Feeling like if I closed my eyes, I could be in the air –

_"_And if I fail Chemistry this year – _Goddamn, Deidara! Open your fucking eyes!"_

It's Zetsu's turn to scream, but he does it in a marginally less annoying way, so I go ahead and open 'em up, jerking the steering wheel so that we're on the right side of the road again. The turnoff's just a few seconds ahead, so I slam on the brakes and slide into the turn. I think it's called drifting, doing that? Maybe I'm wrong. I think drifting takes an e-brake, and I don't have one.

Anyway, now Tobi's silent in the backseat – I think, maybe, he's a bit scared – and Zetsu's giving me these really dirty looks. Hidan keeps not-responding. Kisame keeps headbanging. I can _hear_ the song he's playing, he's got the volume turned up so high, and it is definitely _not_ a headbanging song. Dumbass.

"Lookit that. We're all alive," I say mostly to Zetsu, pulling into the parking spot beside Itachi's car. Pein's leaning back in Itachi's passenger seat of like he thinks he's a gangster or something. Sasori's car is on the other side, and it's empty – Sasori's sitting on the hood, head tilted back and eyes closed. Anywhere we go, he's the first one to stake out some sunny spot. It's like he's cold-blooded like a lizard or a scorpion or a serial killer or something and has to find sunshine to survive.

When I glance into the backseat, Tobi's left clawmarks in my upholstery and Kisame's still jamming. Hidan, weirdly, is still staring out the window like he's, I don't know – Itachi. Emo little brat. Both of them, actually.

They didn't _used_ to be like this. I remember getting in trouble in kindergarten because me 'n Itachi would put our mats by each other and whisper during naptime. But then, you know, he grew up and turned into an angsty honor student, and I grew up and turned into a damn sexy slacker.

And Hidan's just been bitchy the past few days. I don't know what his problem is. I don't wanna know. He's kinda fucked up, in that good-interesting-cool way, but, you know. It makes you not wanna dig any deeper down into _that _barrel of psychosis.

But, you know, he's cool.

Anyway, we all get out of the car, yeah, and Kakuzu and Konan pull into the lot while everyone's still in that funky little well-we're-here-now-what intermission. We all made plans to come here, and that was cool and everything, but maybe we should've gone the step further and planned out exactly what we were gonna do, you know?

Then again, spontaneity is cool too.

Everyone's crowding around Itachi's car now, and he's got this predatory look on his face like he's gonna skin anyone who breathes on it wrong, but he doesn't say anything because Pein's talking, and, you know, everyone's got their leader. Pein qualifies as ours, because, let's face it: he's tall and he's not an idiot and he has ways to make you shut up and pay attention to him.

Does it really need to be said that, therefore, we all shut up and listen to him when he starts spouting off ideas for what we should do today?

Guess it does. We shut up.

"Let's just go walk around the tourist sections. We haven't been there forever – "

"For damn good reason, it's fucking boring on the paths," Hidan mutters, the first thing I've heard him say for like four hours – which is really fucking weird – and I guess Pein's used to his usual mouthiness, because Pein juts keeps talking over him. I mean, usually you can't say three words without Hidan throwing his opinion at you.

" – and it just rained, so I bet there's actual waterfalls now." Pein's got his hands in his pockets, and he's kind of slouching, and looks around at us like he's waiting for our input, but all he really gets is nods and "okays" from everyone but Hidan, who just kind of mutters something to himself. Like I said, Pein's the leader-type, and what else are we gonna do today?

Maybe, if we're lucky, we'll get to go swimming, or something. People dive off the falls all the time. It looks stupid.

It looks fun as hell. At least five seconds of air time.

Anyway, we all start shuffling off in that direction, and with a group as big as ours, I guess you should expect that we all branch off into smaller groups. Pein falls back and talks to Konan, because they're secretly madly in love or something like that; Itachi, Kisame, Zetsu, and Tobi make their own weird little blob of people in the middle of everyone else, and I think they're talking about vampires; me, Hidan, Kakuzu, and Sasori are all in the front, leading the pack because even though Pein tells us what to do, we're much more badass when it comes to adventuring.

"C'_mon,_ Hidan! Sasori!"

I'm the first one to start yelling, because it's the end of summer and I can still smell hints of rain on the air and running is almost like flying, too. I jostle Hidan when I run past him, full-out grab Sasori's arm, ignore Kakuzu and the others – Hidan, I know, I can get to run with me and scare passersby and scream from the top of waterfalls.

Except, he doesn't come with me at first, just kinda lags back and doesn't start jogging after me until I look back and yell his name over my shoulder.

What the _hell _is his problem?

But yeah, after a few more seconds he's right beside me with a kindof-grin on his face, and Pein is yelling at us from behind to "_act like fucking upperclassmen, dammit!"_ and mothers with small children are giving all of us dirty looks and it's all good stuff. Around this time, Sasori falls back and starts ignoring me. See if he gets to ride in my car ever again.

The park is intense. It's got waterfalls and a stream and little creeks, not to mention places where the water pools and goes so deep you couldn't stand up in it if you were on someone else's shoulders. It's one of those nature-parks, not the kind with the swings and stuff you take kids to. We don't have a ton of those around here. I dunno why; but I bet if we did, all of us'd go to those way more often.

Me 'n Hidan run off the paths and dart across rock shelves, and eventually Tobi and Kisame follow us out, and Kakuzu comes too, and Itachi tags along with us on our off-the-paths adventure, although I think he comes along basically to babysit the rest of us.

Konan, Sasori, Zetsu, and Pein stand disapprovingly on the paths and pretend they don't know us, although I notice Konan giving us these sidelong little smiles and Zetsu keeping an eye on Tobi. Tobi's the youngest of us all, and I think Zetsu feels like maybe we're corrupting him a little too much. I think maybe Zetsu needs to give Tobi more credit. He's devious and irritating in his own right.

After a few minutes of pretty much pointless wandering, Hidan looks much better than he did in the car, and he's jostling me back when I elbow him now. We've been doing that specifically for a solid seven minutes now.

"Hey, hey, Deidara – betcha can't fucking jump from here to the bridge. C'mon. Lessee you try, seriously!" He says, giving me an especially hard push and nodding his head towards the bridge he's talking about.

The bridge has a railing – Konan and Pein are leaning against it, and he is _definitely_ hitting on her and why the hell aren't they sleeping together already? Maybe because she has that "_oh, I love hanging out with Pein here in the friend zone" _look on her face – and it's a good five feet away from where we're standing now. The water under it isn't even really that deep, because there isn't a warning sign anywhere near here. They always put warnings signs beside the water that's deep.

I can _totally_ make it across.

"Ten bucks when I make it to the other side, and you've gotta follow, yeah!" I tell Hidan, pushing him back towards the rock wall we've been standing in front of. Kisame and Tobi have wandered off to another rock shelf. Itachi is lagging behind them and looking all dignified and shit.

Kakuzu is standing behind us giving off disapproving vibes but not bothering to say anything out loud. Good guy.

Hidan crinkles his nose, but then he gives a little grin and nods. "Fuck yeah. But you first, Barbie!"

I jab him in the gut with my elbow for the Barbie taunt, ignore Kakuzu muttering something about Ken – oh fuck no, Ken does _not_ have red hair and dammit, I am not Barbie! – and jump across without really thinking hard about the distance or how to do this right. A few nanoseconds after I do, I notice the broken sign, big red letters and warning symbol and all, lying in the leaves beside the water's edge.

I misjudge the distance. I misjudge badly.

The last thing I see before I hit water is Konan's face – she's got her eyes all wide and her teeth sunk into her lip – and the last thing I hear is Pein screaming at me that I'm an idiot.

Well, damn, Pein.

Tell me something I don't already know –

And then my feet aren't touching bottom, and I've got a couple half-seconds to think about how maybe I should throttle Hidan and how he definitely didn't jump after me even though he _said_, and then the panic and the need for air sets in, and hey, Tobi, at least I didn't lose a leg.

* * *

><p>Yeah. Not uploaded on Saturday as I promised several of you. Because it RAINED FOR LIKE TWENTY YEARS and I drove through high water for the first time EVAR recently AND OH MY GOD THE HEARTATTACK. But, yeah. My home was an island all weekend.<p>

Apparently, when I write Deidara, I use run-on sentences and slang. Frequently. Thoughts on this? Good, bad, what? I feel like if he weren't a ninja, though, he would never shut his mouth. Hence.

slightly shorter chapter. but. it was a good place to end, BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT and i would like for you all to not find out for a week. C: issa surprise that NOT EVEN CROCFARM READERS KNOW ABOUT.

btw, this fic now has a playlist that i listen to while writing it. (usually.) and yes, it has a song from the legally blonde musical soundtrack on it. ;)

(in an unrelated note. i'm still working out pairings. whether they exist. BECAUSE DAMMIT KONAN AND PEIN ARE TRAPPED IN THE FRIEND ZONE WITHOUT A MAP.)

(AND GOD, REREADING THIS I REALIZED THAT *EVERYTHING* IS "COOL" TO DEIDARA.)

(AND I STILL WANT A BETA.)


	3. Chapter 3

**do your worst and your best.**

ye be warned:

- swearing

- peculiar formatting

- bad things happening to pretty people.

_chapter three._

**hidan.**

Deidara and me, we do a lot of stupid shit together. So when we want to jump across the fucking pool of water to the bridge, you know, it's cool, because I've been feeling really shitty and acting like a jackass with Deidara always makes things a little better – better, because there's someone else as stupid as me, and because Kakuzu's lectures do a hell of a lot more to convince me he gives a damn than any other fucking conversation we could have.

So, you know, I'm seriously excited for the fucking jump, in that way where it feels like your blood's sizzling under your skin and you can't die _(even if you thought you might wanna know what it felt like, just once, just twice)_ but then Deidara takes the first leap, like I bet him, and he doesn't make it all the way across.

And that's when I freeze and stare at the fucking water, and words aren't coming out for me – or Deidara – and Pein yells for a few seconds then does a fucking James Bond leap over the bridge railing, and –

And he's in the water too, even though all I can see of Deidara is that goddamned blonde-girly hair. Some bitch with kids is screaming on the path, and I want to scream at _her _to shut the fuck up, that's not your friend running out of air, but that's not gonna help anyone.

Kakuzu shoves me hard, growls something, starts gesturing at the water – Pein is surfaced now with his hand wrapped around Deidara's upper arm; he's yelling too and Deidara looks tired. I can't really hear what anyone's yelling, because goddamnit, everyone's decided they need to add their shrill fucking voices to the mix – that bitch, Kakuzu, Pein, Konan, Sasori, even fucking _Itachi-the-silent _and a park ranger who appeared out of fucking-nowhere _– _and I can't _focus._

Kakuzu doesn't give a shit, though. He grabs my collar and starts shoving me back along the rock ledge, until we're getting close to Pein and Deidara, who are both sitting on the edge of the pool and trying not to look at the park ranger.

He's long-haired, with a bandanna over his head, a toothpick in his mouth, and a glare that'd damn Itachi.

"Staying _on_ the paths includes staying _out_ of the water," he says, scowling at everyone under the age of twenty-one in the area. A couple innocent assholes get caught in his crossfire, but it's mostly _us_ who he's addressing. "You're lucky Blondie there didn't jump into the Devil's Pool; we had someone _drown_ there last week."

Konan is scowling back at him, almost impressively, and she's all kneeling on the ground and acting like she gives a shit about Deidara. I see the looks she's giving Pein instead. "It was an _accident."_

She's also a liar. They're all fucking liars.

The ranger snorts. The fabric badge on his ugly-as-fuck green shirt says "Genma."

We are so fucking reporting him for lecturing the possibly-injured.

_Genma_ finally kind of looks down his nose at Deidara, eyes narrowed. "You alright?"

Deidara coughs, spits out water, and joins the glaring contest. Seriously, I don't know who's going to win if this keeps going on – Genma's getting bored, by the look of it (that _bitch),_ and Konan's look is just getting pissier and pissier by the second.

Then again, Deidara has the attitude of an underclassman bitch who thinks she's from a fucking ghetto. "_Peachy_. There was no goddamn sign telling me that water was deep!"

The ranger raises an eyebrow and points.

There's a motherfucking sign, and Kisame's just kicked the leaves off the top of it.

Well, that doesn't _count._

None of us says anything. Konan helps Pein to his feet during the quiet period; asshole onlookers start moving on, although that might be because Kakuzu's sneering at anyone who sticks around.

After a couple of seconds, Sasori crouches down and holds his hand out to Deidara. Dei tries to slap it away, but Sasori keeps it in front of his face, and after a sec, Deidara lets his motherfucking best friend help him up.

Genma looks satisfied, and smug, and _goddamn I want him fired just because he's bitchy._ "All of you – _all of you, _stop with the death-stare, Red – are going to leave the park immediately. I'll let you come back some other time, but if I see _any _of you in the park again today, you _will_ be banned and I _will_ be contacting your unfortunate parents. Understood? Understood. _Scatter."_

Pein's glaring, too, now, but he starts heading back the way we came first, Konan beside him, and Sasori 'n' Deidara follow them. The rest of us follow them back to the cars, not talking the whole way, and I feel like motherfucking shit again.

Deidara's fine, though. That's obvious by the way he's kicking piles of leaves and stones at people's feet. Fine, but pissed.

That makes sense. He and Pein are both soaked. Somehow, I don't think Pein's getting back into Itachi's precious motherfucking car.

We all crowd around the cars, and Sasori's the only one who climbs into any of them. He shoves Deidara towards Dei's car, gets into the driver's side of his own car, and slams the fucking door like he doesn't give a shit about it.

Everyone stares. No one talks, although Deidara kind of looks like Sasori just said he wants to bite the heads off puppies and serve them at a fancy fucking restaurant.

For a second, I think he's going to scorch the tires and make a really goddamned dramatic exit, but he just slaps the steering wheel and rolls his window down.

It's manual. The drama is gone.

"Hidan, get your goddamn ass in the car. You're on my way home."

Not true.

He probably just doesn't want me near Deidara, who I rode here with.

Bastard.

He's a bastard who lets me copy his English notes, though, so I shove Kakuzu goodbye and sling myself into the passenger seat of Sasori's shitty car – he had a really nice one, until he and Deidara got into a wreck, which was only weird 'cause Sasori was the one driving – and, like I guessed, _then_ Sasori scorches his tires and goes squealing out of the parking lot.

"Well, bye, guys," I say, trying _not _to sound sarcastic – oh, who the fuck am I kidding?

"Shut up," he snarls. "You and Deidara are so goddamn stupid – you're going to get yourselves killed, or in jail – fuck, Hidan, I wouldn't be surprised if we find out tomorrow morning that you and Deidara jumped off a fucking bridge for the fun of it!"

_(_all i said was, _there's this bridge across the Nakano – _

and then she said,_ you're really weird, hidan, you know that?)_

Yeah, the high from being stupid with Deidara – nearly getting Deidara _killedorworse – _is gone. I shouldn't have gotten into Sasori's goddamn car; he's driving fast, but not as fast as Dei, and he's going to yell at me the whole goddamn way to my house.

And my house is thirty miles out of his way, because he lives on the outskirts of our school district and I live much closer to the center.

I wanna say something, something that'll make Sasori shut the fuck up and maybe apologize or something (I don't know what for). And usually, I can think of something to say that'll do the job – but right now, it's not working. Nothing's coming to mind.

Goddamn. God_damn_.

He already thinks I'm fucking stupid, though, so he doesn't say anything else, just kind of hisses through his teeth and slams the brake to obey a stop sign.

Now I have something to say. "Fucking whiplash, goddamn – "

"Hidan? Shut the fuck up, or I will sideswipe a tree or something _on the passenger side._ I am not in the mood and I hate this goddamn car, and I'm not too fond of you right now. _Don't. Push. Me."_

I don't shut up because he tells me to. I shut up because I'm drawing a blank again.

So yeah, I settle back into the seat and cross my arms and smack the radio on.

We listen to a marathon of covers of old bands for the twenty-five minutes it takes Sasori to get to my house.

The only song I recognize is "Hey Jealousy," which used to be by the Gin Blossoms but now is by some bratty pop-punk band.

It kind of pisses me off.

**XXX**

Sasori does a rolling stop to let me out of his car, and screeches down the road as soon as I close the door.

Asshole.

When I get inside, it's obvious pretty much as soon as I walk in that Mom's already passed out, even though it's only like five in the afternoon. Whatever. I might as well do the same thing.

Once I get to my bedroom, I realize that my phone's vibrating in my pocket, which probably means that Kakuzu's calling me – even if he had to drop soaked-Pein and lying-Konan off, he's probably home by now, because they all live ridiculously nearby each other _and_ Itachi – and I really don't want to answer him, so I throw it towards the closet and hope the battery falls out when it hits the wall.

When that's done, I kick off my shoes and curl up on top of the covers, because the summer's still hot and my window's wide open.

By the time I fall asleep, which according to my alarm clock is a solid three hours later, I've heard three coyotes howl, two dogs barking madly, a siren, and car doors slamming at the neighbor's house.

It's not enough noise to take my mind off anything, like how Deidara could've died or something and it would've been my fault, or how Sasori probably hates me or something, or how Kakuzu's a fucking asshole and I don't know why I ever thought his lectures would make me feel better –

Except once I think about it, Kakuzu didn't get a chance to lecture me. Sasori did it for him, and Sasori's better at lecturing Deidara. Deidara listens to harsh words.

I react better to Kakuzu yelling at me, then punching me in the face.

I fall asleep wondering if maybe he'll do me the honors tomorrow morning, at school.

**XXX**

"Hidan! Hidan, get up. Konan's on the landline, and she says that your cellphone's off. It's important, Hidan!"

Mom's kind of shrill. Her bitchy voice wakes me up, but doesn't get me out of bed – but wait, why the fuck is she awake already anyway? My clock says it's like four in the goddamn morning, and Mom likes to sleep from five in the afternoon to three in the afternoon straight.

"_Hidan!"_

"Fine!" I sit up, grab the phone out of her hand - the cradle's in the living room, but it isn't one of those shitty connected ones - and rethink glaring at my mother after a few seconds. She doesn't stick around to watch, anyway, just eyes me and then heads out of my fucking room.

Well, thanks.

"What the hell do you want, Konan?" I ask, and I don't think I'm that bitchy, but it sounds like she's crying – well, hell, I didn't want to do _that –_

"_Itachi just c-called me. Deidara, Pein, Tobi, Zetsu, and Kisame all rode home together – but – "_

Wow. Useless. Is she crying because Pein didn't ride with her and Kakuzu after all?

(Something tells me no, Konan wouldn't cry over something that stupid – Konan hasn't cried since we were like six and I broke her plastic princess crown. When you're six, that's the fucking world.)

But still. "That's fucking great, Konan. I really didn't give a shit about how anyone got home – "

"—_Itachi's dad got called out on – on emergency, around one this morning. They w-wrecked, Hidan!"_

Oh, no. Oh, goddamn no – not two things in one day; maybe she's just crying because of the shock, because, you know, those assholes are totally okay –

"_Kisame walked away with a gash on his head. He – he's the one who called Itachi's dad – but – everyone else – they were the emergency – a-a-a-and – "_

For a second, I think about hanging up, because I know whatever's coming isn't good and if she says it out loud, I can pretend I don't.

" – _P-Pein and Z-Z-Zetsu are in the hospital. Tobi too, he's, he's in surgery right now – but D-D-Dei-Deidara…when th-they got there…"_

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck._ I can't listen. I can't – can't hear this, can't listen to Konan say this -

I do hang up then, and I throw the phone, and I _hear _the plastic crack, and that's when I pull the covers over the head and swear to never leave my bed again.

Goddamn. Juniors don't cry – not even if –

_No._

* * *

><p>{in the most biblical sense, i am beyond repentance […] in the cultural sense, i just speak in the future tense.}<p>

{god sent me to piss the world off.}

i listened to nothing but "judas" by lady gaga and "my name is" by eminem while writing this.

obligatory genma. he'll be a recurring character.

I feel like I should explain that italics are, in a way, things Hidan is thinking but doesn't _want_ to think, or at least doesn't want to admit that he's thinking/remembering. They're not _incredibly_ important just yet. Tell me if you dislike 'em. I use 'em all the time; it's actually odd that neither of the previous chapters included bracketeditalicthoughts.

(POP QUIZ. which two eminem songs include the phrase "i just drank a fifth of vodka; dare me to drive?" both can be considered a soundtrack of sorts to this chapter.)

P.S., PRETTIES. my author's note was originally even longer, but i always feel guilty about cheerful author's notes after i seriously injure five characters.


	4. Chapter 4

**do your worst and your best.**

ye be warned:

- swearing

_chapter four._

**itachi.**

I realize, as I'm sitting on the floor of my room and staring at the closed door, that there are perks to everything, but everything also has its downsides.

Being a student in the National Honors Society gets you excellent scholarship opportunities. It also makes everyone else in the school spread rumors that you're part of a Satanic cult.

Living in town means that you're always around for the block parties. It also means that you never get a quiet night's sleep, just because of all the damned traffic.

Being the police chief's son means that you know about _everything _before anyone else gets wind of it.

That, I'm afraid, is also the downside.

I drove home from the park alone, partially because I was _not_ going to let Pein get disgusting stream-water all over my seats – _I _clean those _myself_ – and partially because after you've spent a few hours with my friends, it's usually time for a break. I don't mind being social, and I don't mind them, but everyone can get overwhelmed every now and then.

When I got home, everything was pleasant, and everything was quiet. Some days are like that in the Uchiha household – usually, those are the days when Sasuke and I haven't been spending too much time together. I don't mind him either, but I have to admit, he's incredibly irritating at times.

At any rate, he was in his room, playing pirated music at a tolerable level. Mom was downstairs, curled up on the couch and watching the food network; Dad was sitting on the chair next to her and pretending to actually care about the exploits of Iron Chef Morimoto. He was doing an impressive job of it, and I left them to their TV-watching after saying hi.

Everyone should have a chance to be lazy, you know.

I think I'm taking mine now, because instead of getting up and doing something, I'm mentally telling myself the Story of What Happened To Itachi Today – Minus The Last Four Hours. Really, my day was fine, until the last four hours ticked by and decided to poison the whole thing.

It doesn't bother me that we got kicked out of the park.

It doesn't bother me that my friends all seem to be fighting amongst themselves over it.

It does bother me that my father is at the scene of a single-vehicle crash, and that he told me it would probably be best if I stayed home.

It bothers me most of all that I know he was right, and that I can't help hating _and_ loving him for telling me who the five teenage boys involved in that crash were. I knew I should've been suspicious when he came up to my room around midnight – what were they still doing on the road, at _midnight? –_and started asking me questions about how things had gone at the park today.

I didn't tell him the truth. I wonder now if that was wrong. If, maybe, knowing that we got kicked out of the park and Pein hauled Deidara's ass out of the water and Sasori was pissed enough to spit would've helped – something. Helped something.

I don't know how it could've. I know that I helped myself by not telling him about getting kicked out, even though that wasn't my fault in the least. But still – was it selfish?

Before I can think too hard about that, I start hearing scratching coming from my door. It's the kind of scratching a cat might make, if it wanted you to let it in.

We don't have a cat. The closest thing to a family pet is Sasuke, so – it must be him, I suppose.

I dig my teeth into my lip and consider pretending to be asleep, but after a few seconds, I realize that Sasuke isn't that stupid. If _he_ isn't asleep – Sasuke, who barely tolerates my friends and won't forgive them for doing a better job of being annoying older-brother-types than I ever could – then I'm sure he knows that there's no way that I could fall asleep.

"What?" I say, loud as I can without feeling uncomfortable. It's around four in the morning, and I know Dad's not here, Sasuke's not asleep, and Mom's probably worrying in her bedroom, but I still can't shake the feeling that right now is a time for whispering.

The door creaks open. The slower it moves, the more pronounced the creaking.

Sasuke pokes his head through the door, pale fingers wrapped around the edge, and zeroes in on me. "I, um, can I – come in?"

I shrug. He translates that into a 'yes' and pads across the room in his bare feet to crouch down on the floor in front of me.

"Dad called the house phone. He said Kisame's already home and that they're probably going to release Pein from the hospital tomorrow. And – and that they finally got hold of Deidara's dad."

Sasuke almost looks like he's afraid to tell me all of this. Most of it is good news – no, all of it is good news, because if everyone else already knows that Deidara is –

It's just, his family, they need to know too. It's not right that we already do. (But it is, because – because we're his friends, and all I want is to be _somewhere _where the rest of _we_ is, but I'm afraid to leave my goddamn house because I'm supposed to be the one who's calm and collected. I can't get in front of the rest of them and – and _break down,_ dammit.)

But I'm not going to tell Sasuke any of that. I'm not going to tell anyone any of that.

I am Itachi Uchiha, and I do not think that way.

Instead, I lean my head back against the coolness of my wall and try to shrug. "That's – good. Good."

"It's not."

Sasuke's quiet. I don't think he's quiet just because he's not comfortable speaking above a whisper.

"Stop pretending that you're not – that you're not hurt too, Itachi. I'm not stupid, and I'm not twelve. And you're not some soulless, emotionless…_thing._"

He could try to be more eloquent while comforting me.

I guess he doesn't know that I cried when I first heard the news, then decided that crying wouldn't help anyone and made everything seem like it had really happened. I think it was around the second hour that I figured shutting down might serve a more useful purpose.

No tears, no dead and hospitalized friends.

_(no secrets anymore, that i was starting to think about no longer keeping. have to keep them now – don't want to fuck up someone's memory. don't want to fuck myself over.)_

It takes thirty minutes of me not saying anything and Sasuke trying not breathe too loudly before one of us falls asleep.

The next morning, I can't remember which one of us it was, only that me and my brother fell asleep on a hardwood floor the night one of my best friends died.

I take my very first mental health day.

* * *

><p>So, I haven't updated since, like, the 29th of April. HA I SUCK. and this chapter's pretty terrible.<p>

But I had prom! And a minor car accident! And unlike you poor slobs, I saw the Flaming Lips live! And, yeah! (Also, there is currently a channel showing nothing but Lady Gaga. FOR SEVEN DAYS. MAY WE ALL REJOICE.)

(And that made me realize that Deidara could TOTALLY be one of the girls from the Paparazzi video.)

I now have a beta, but I didn't send this chapter off to be beta'd because I felt guilty about the above suckage. But hey! Dictionary Ink, you're awesome. ;D

AND. I NOTICED A HUGE CONTINUITY-WHATEVER-ERROR IN THE LAST CHAPTER. I, uh, originally made it sound like Sasori got into the driver's side of Deidara's car. Disregard that.

also issue with canon: it turns out that Sasuke and Itachi are closer in age than in canon. Like, instead of five years, let's call it two, because i didn't realize that them being in high school at the same time was impossible until Sasuke started waxing philosophic in this chapter.

This chapter is horrifically short.

I am sorry.

I will repent. (BTW. HAPPY JUDGMENT DAY.)


	5. Chapter 5

**do your worst and your best.**

ye be warned:

– swearing.

– once again, the formatting's odd.

_chapter five._

**ino.**

So, it's a Tuesday and I _totally_ forgot to study for the Human Biology quiz, but that's okay because Hinata will _definitely _let me cram using her notes during lunch. She's one of those easily-pushed adorable types, the kind of girl who'll let you do anything as long as you smile at her and heaps lots of thanks on her twitchy soul. You know that girl; we all know that girl.

That's why I'm not panicking when I walk through the front doors of the school. What else would I have to worry about? It's a damn good day – warm outside, no promises of rain, and Dad has decided that I'm no longer grounded.

I wait to freak out just a little until I get to my homeroom and realize that nobody's talking in a normal voice. Everyone is whispering, standing in little clusters in the hall, and for this one horrible moment, I think that they've heard something about me and they're all gossiping and everything is _over _because my life revolves around this stupid school, as backwards-idiotic as that is_ –_

But then I remember that it _is _paranoia when they aren't actually out to get you, and something else is probably going on. My life may revolve around this school, but this school does not revolve around me.

Give it a few years, and I'll see if I can change that.

Not to mention that I haven't actually done anything gossip-worthy in recent days.

Anyway, Sakura Haruno, the girl with an impressive grade-point-average and an even more impressive billboard above her eyes, is standing near the front of the classroom and talking (in those low tones everyone seems to have adopted) to Naruto Uzumaki and Hinata, which, alright, is not entirely abnormal. She is, for some reason I cannot pinpoint, incredibly good friends with Naruto, and Hinata has a tendency to tag around after Naruto like he cares about her.

(I realize as I'm halfway to them that one, I am such a goddamn bitch, and two, maybe I should take this opportunity to make nice with the three of them – Sakura used to be my best friend, Naruto is just that kind of guy you hang out with when there's no one else around, and although I use Hinata's notes all the time, we aren't what you'd call besties anymore. I mean, I sit near all of them in some of my classes, but we're not friends – not like we used to be or could be.)

"Hey, guys!" I say, all mirror-practiced smile –

(_you are so damn stupid, _he said, and i kept grinning at myself in the mirror and showing too many teeth)

–and Hinata gives me this weak little smile in return, but Sakura gives me a look like I've just kicked her favorite kitten. Naruto crinkles his nose at me and tilts his head to the side (which makes me think that he's such a cute little puppy, and maybe _he's_ her favorite kitten, but that's species mixing -)

"What, why are you so happy?" He asks, a little louder than seems comfortable in the room right now. I drop my smile (_you can practice those in the mirror but you can't practice acceptable smiling situations)_ and adjust my bag on my shoulder to stall for time.

"I'm…not, not really. I was just trying to say hi – what's going on? Everyone's so quiet today," I say back, kind-of trying to explain and kind-of trying to gloss it over and kind-of trying to dig for information all at once. There don't seem to be enough words in the air to accomplish everything, but I'm doing what I can with what I've got going for me. I should've just tracked down three people who I'm actually on a good-friends basis with to ask.

Sakura looks surprised. "What, you haven't heard? There was a text going around this morning -"

"I lost my phone last week." This is true. Further truth would be to say that I lost it to my father's clutches after staying out a bit too long with someone he dislikes a bit too much. But I _had_ to; there are certain people you can't say no to when they're in certain moods–

(_there's this bridge over the nakano)_

but anyway.

"Oh." She says, and it's one of those drawn-out _ohs_ you use when something monumental has just been made crystal clear to you. I think she's probably playing it up, because, seriously, me losing my phone is not the answer to any life-changing dilemma. It's not even really that uncommon. "Oh."

And the draggy _oh_ certainly didn't need repeated. Now _she's_ just stalling. I shift my bag again so we have something in common. Hinata fidgets with her fingers clasped in front of her chest, so maybe she wants to stall with the rest of us. Naruto leans against the board and looks uncharacteristically thoughtful – but not the good kind of thoughtful; the kind where you're thinking things you don't want to be thinking. I'm not used to him being quiet. It's kind of weird.

"Well, there was a car wreck," Sakura finally says. She's not fidgeting or leaning. She's good at dishing out bad news like it's something not to be hurt over. She'll probably have a great career in _some_ kind of emergency response service, or hospital, or whatever. "Sasuke told me more about it this morning when I called him, the text just had a really general 'rest in peace' – it was a group of five juniors and seniors. Do you – did you – _do you_ know Deidara Narita, Pein Masuda, Tobi Uchiha, Zetsu Kozeki, or Kisame Hoshigaki?"

Rest in peace? Do you – did you – do you?

Oh, shit. Oh, my god. I don't know them that well – I see them sometimes in the hallways, you know, and Deidara and Pein are in my human biology class, but…I know people who know them, and if they're dead – if they're dead, it doesn't matter how close we were, because a death matters no matter what. Does that – does that make sense?

"I – k-kind of. What do you mean, _rest in peace?"_ I know what she means. I'm not that stupid. I need verbal confirmation of what I'm already afraid I know perfectly well.

Sakura sighs and looks down. "Deidara Narita – he died. Shortly after impact, Sasuke said, and since his dad was one of the cops on the scene…"

_Sasuke would be the most likely of anyone to know what's actually going on, so that's probably very true._

She trails off and stays quiet for a second, then kind of picks her stride back up. Naruto wanders off to his seat in the interim, sits down, and pillows his head on what I assume to be a very cold table. I am _really _not used to him being like this, but he's friends with Sasuke and Sasuke's brother is friends with them, so…maybe it's that?

Sakura talks over my thoughts. I don't really blame her for not knowing I need a couple more seconds to work this out. "Kisame's alright – I mean, he's not here today, but a _lot_ of people who knew them are skipping; Sasuke and Itachi and a bunch of their friends aren't here either – but the other three…they're in the hospital. I don't know what's going on with them. You really hadn't heard anything about it?"

She sounds shocked. What, am I supposed to know everything?

But this is horrible – if Deidara is dead, and the other three are hospitalized, and a bunch of their friends haven't shown up to school, what else might be going on? Is this story even fully true?

"N-no," I finally say to her, honestly, and glance at the clock beside the chalkboard. There's a sharp pain in my lip – are those my teeth, digging into it? I really have somewhere I need to be, _right fucking now, _and if I don't get out of here by the time the tardy bell rings, I might be too late. "I hadn't. Wow. I – god."

"There's going to be an assembly this morning," Hinata says quietly. Her eyes are downcast, and I have to step closer to hear her. "The principal's going to talk to us about it, or something – and I think Karin wants to organize some kind of drive, for all of their families' bills."

Assembly? I absolutely cannot wait here through an assembly – and I absolutely cannot be caught sneaking out of the goddamn pity assembly for the boys – Deidara's dead and three more of them are injured, and I've got a yellow ribbon card in my purse that I never took seriously enough until now.

(_i don't remember putting this in here, _i'd said on the second day of school in the lunch line,

and then he admitted from behind me, _i stole your purse last period yesterday and put it there)_

"Alright – I – oh, god, I think I left my textbook in the car – I'm gonna go grab it. Thank you for – telling me," I say, talking too fast and too slow all at once, "It was nice talking to you, Sakura – Hinata – well, no, it wasn't, but I miss you guys – god, I've got to go – get that book–"

Nobody really cares when I dash out of the classroom, although Sakura does yell something after me and Hinata kind of tries to stutter something, but I'm not listening. Did I say something stupid? I already can't quite remember.

I need to get out of here, _now and immediately_ – I pass Karin, the wannabe-philanthropist (who probably has some serious ulterior motives, but her heart is creeping slowly towards the right place) in the hall and push past the can she's already holding out for donations, and her friend-with-whatever, Suigetsu, snarls something at my back, but that really doesn't matter right now –

Tenten, my resident best friend and a better person to hear this news from, is standing near the school's entrance. She sees me booking it and looks surprised for about half a second, until she apparently remembers that thing I confided in her over the weekend, because, you know, it's easy to put together for anyone with half a brain and all the information.

And I have got to _go_.

She grabs my shoulder when I'm three inches from the threshold, though. "Are you going to –?"

"Yes. Collect homework for me – look, I've really got to go –"

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you instead?" She asks, in the middle of pulling me into a rare and needed hug. I shake my head against her shoulder and mutter something like _no, it's not necessary, _and she gets it and lets me go.

"Good luck, Ino," she says, and I am so proud of her.

"Thank you," I spare two seconds to say, and then I'm through the door (the tardy bell rings before it swings shut, and I feel kind of awful about the detentions Tenten and Karin are going to get, but not so much Suigetsu) and into the parking lot.

It's a twenty-minute drive to where I'm going. Even though Deidara and the rest were in a car accident, and that's the whole reason I'm doing this, I drive fast enough to shave five minutes off, and that makes my heart race on the back roads it takes to get there.

The first house on the road looks shitty as hell, with chickens scratching freely around the front yard and rusting vehicles that were once gorgeously vintage propped up on cement blocks.

The second looks better, even though the paint is peeling and every curtain is drawn. I pull into the empty driveway and park near a faded beware-of-dog sign.

My windows stay down, all four of them completely open. I don't really give a damn if someone steals my iPod from where it's lying on the seat, at this rate – but I _need _to get _inside, _and even though it's an inanimate object, it feels like my purse is getting heavier and hotter in my arms. Maybe because I never cleaned it out, because it just seemed like a stupid, fate-tempting thing to you, you know? You don't test the power of suggestion, or whatever – maybe that doesn't make sense –

I run up the stairs, beat on the door; little splinters of the wood come off and stick to my open palm, and when no one answers me, I try to twist the knob.

The door opens. Sticks a little. Finally creaks fully open.

There isn't anyone in the living room, just a ratty old couch with exotic-looking throw pillows and a TV with a layer of dust coating the black screen.

There had better be someone in one of the backrooms, and that someone had better be in shape to talk, because –

Just, just because.

* * *

><p><strong>what's the matter, graverobber.? ; <strong>

obligatory Ino is now part of the plot. and because of that, you got a Konoha 11-spattered chapter with a pinch of team hebi. d'aww.

**dictionary ink** remains my beta, no matter how much i delude myself into thinking that her penname is something completely different. ;D all errors are still completely my fault.

by the way, my reviewers are generally awesome and gorgeous and deserve puppies, but imma remind y'all in anticipation of future chapters: you don't bash pairings or characters in your reviews, and i don't publicly humiliate you and your mother. we got a deal? ;D

you may state that you aren't a huge fan of [insert your pairing/character peeve here], but that's my limit, kiddies. i've almost got my pairing decisions cemented, and while they're still secret - i don't want people reading this just for the sake of a pairing, because advertising that shit attracts the twelve-year-olds with bad grammar – i will tell you that some of them get odd.

i also expect that most of you won't be bothered by men lovin' men _or _men lovin' women. not everyone can be gay, and not everyone can be straight. c;

alright, alright. i won't lecture you on this again unless someone breaks my rule. then i'll be forced to break a bitch's face, 'cause i don't deal with that shit well. 3

(I'd also like to note that chapter 3 was seriously edited recently, both for obvious continuity issues and for things that wouldn't have been obvious until the next few chapters. Chapter 4 also received some smaller edits.)

stay tuned for a konan-chapter featuring that fearless park ranger, Genma Shiranui, who still shouldn't be pursuing a career than brings him face-to-face with people.


	6. Chapter 6

**do your worst and your best.**

ye be warned:

this is the last time i'm warning you about swearing.

i'm also going to start including the timestamp for each chapter's events at the top of the chapter,

because the next few chapters take place simultaneously,

and even i'm having a hard time keeping track of time periods.

this fic is movin' slooooow.

(chapter FIVE takes place at the same time as chapter SIX, and i guess all you really need to know – no need to go refresh – is that the accident happened late Monday night. so, ino is on a crusade to find a house at the same time that kisame and pein are chillaxin', yo.)

_chapter six._

**pein.**

around nine o'clock in the morning, Tuesday.

It's nine, and I must be on a school sleep schedule despite everything that's happened, because I woke up three hours ago and couldn't force myself to go back to sleep.

It might also be helping that I'm not used to all of this white noise that comes from a hospital room; there are machines humming all throughout this particular room and down the hallways; the door is propped open – for Tobi's sake, I assume, because he bears more watching right now than I do – and I can hear the shuffling of feet up and down the faux-wood floors; even the noise of cars flying by on the road outside and below the window comes floating in –

_(hey Deidara, think you can break 120 in this thing?)_

– and none of it is particularly loud noise, and that must be the problem. I'm used to falling asleep with my headphones in and my iPod lying against my hand; it's more calming for me to have 'Pretty When You Cry' or 'Built For Sin' or some song like those.

Not that those are loud either, but I can crank them as high as I need to. Here, it isn't the whitewashed walls or the soft sound of Tobi's breathing in the next bed over that really bothers me, but the fact that I can't block anything out by putting my headphones in and closing my eyes.

My mom came by yesterday; she seemed more pissed and frustrated than sympathetic. She didn't bother to drop off anything but a set of clothes I can wear when they let me out tomorrow.

I'm sitting up in my bed, not looking at Tobi or at the window – actually, I'm watching a rerun of Wheel of Fortune on the crappy pity-television they keep in the room, and even though I don't know any of the answers, I bet Konan would know them all – when I hear a soft tapping on the doorframe just outside my room. A glance away from Places, H_B_N N_W J_S_, shows me the black-haired nurse who keeps wheeling Tobi in and out of the room, leaning into the door like she can't cross the threshold without my permission.

"Pein? Your friend Kisame is here."

Behind her, I can see Kisame, fidgeting in the hallway. There's a gauze bandage pressed across his forehead and he's got a bouquet of flowers clenched in one of his hands, and for a second, I am completely thrown - Kisame is bringing me flowers? What? Maybe they're for Tobi. Kisame likes Tobi.

Although I certainly didn't think he liked Tobi _that _much.

The nurse leaves, and Kisame comes into the room. He must notice me eyeing the flowers, because he shoves them at me hastily and makes his excuses. "They're not from me, man. Don't give me that look. They're from Konan. She called Yamanaka's to order them, then had me pick them up."

That makes more sense. For a second, her name sends this horrible little twinge of _something_ through me, and I want to ask _why the hell she isn't here, _but I have an appearance to keep up, so I grab the flowers out of his hands and set them on the table beside my hospital bed. Kisame stands at the foot of the bed, glances at Tobi, fidgets some more, then comes up with more conversation.

Thankfully. I was about to do something stupid and _ask_ about Konan, and how fucked up is it that I'm thinking about how much I want her when one of our best friends is dead?

It's just – she's so –

"When are you getting out?" He asks.

"Tomorrow. I'm going to be on crutches for a while. Fucked my ankle up good."

The woman on Wheel of Fortune just lost ten thousand dollars.

Kisame's looking at Tobi now, and even I have to admit that the kid doesn't look good at all. I fucked up my ankle, sure, and there's a gash across my cheek –

_(deidara died and i don't know where zetsu is and it's only been eight hours)_

– but Tobi, he's not okay. I know that he's got a broken leg, but the reason he was in surgery was the head trauma.

The nurses haven't told me much more than that, and I don't know what the right way to push them is. They're used to concealing information you don't need to know, and they know how to make things sound alright when really, they're nowhere near alright.

"They haven't told me when he's getting out," I finally say, nodding my head towards Tobi, as if there's any question who I'm talking about. Kisame doesn't really react, just slides his gaze back over to me.

"Yeah?"

I don't bother repeating after him. Honestly, why should I?

"Well, I'm –" Kisame falters, just for a second. "I'm gonna go see how Itachi is. I guess he and Sasuke didn't show at school today either."

"Yeah?"

He gives me a look, like I'm being a bastard for not knowing what else to say, and then leaves the room.

Tobi still doesn't stir.

* * *

><p><strong>I DIDN'T REALLY LOVE YOU, BUT I'M PRETTY WHEN I LIE;<strong>

i was gonna have a super-short author's note and then SHIT HAPPENED.

one, i started watching durarara!. and am now deeply in love with the shizuo/izaya pairing.

two, my damn hard drive crashed after FIVE MONTHS OF USE. i lost the mostly-completed version i had of the original chapter six. the version that i literally _agonized _over.

so i said fuck it and wrote this chapter instead, which was originally going to be chapter eight or nine.

also i went to band camp.

yeah, i'm just that sexy.

also i went to a Japanese cultural exchange camp.

…OKAY QUIT JUDGING ME YES I'M A NERD.

and then my copy of word 2010 starter decided to die rather spectacularly, so i'm writing this in wordpad, which doesn't tell me how many words/pages/etc. i actually HAVE. or let me do dividers. or spellcheck.

also my school year is starting up, which means my only days of freedom are mondays and the weekend. :

good day to you all.

(crazy short chapter, and i am sorry.)

(i promise that like plot and action and dialogue are coming up.)

(P.S. **my beta is dictionary ink, and all the good spelling and grammar belong to her. the typos and wonky phrasing are all mine.)**


	7. Chapter 7

**do your worst and your best.**

ye be warned:

pirates prosecuted here.

(I started this chapter in September and now it's January? oh god I started croc farm when I was fourteen or fifteen and now i'm seventeen THE YEARS, THEY ARE GONE.)

**FFFFF i forgot to say this : thank you so much to my glorious beta, DICTOIONARY INK, whose stories deserve a thorough stalking by every one of you.**

x

(so, um, konan and kakuzu decided to resist the plot. but then, when genma finally showed up, he kicked their asses into plot-submission. and that's my excuse for not updating … ?

{when i say they resisted the plot, i make it sound like this chapter actually advances the plot, O HOHOHO lies.}

{i promise i know they're not real.}

chapter eight's half done already.

i hate this chapter so much. 3

_chapter seven._

**konan.**

around nine o'clock in the morning, Tuesday.

_(another simul!chapter)_

I guess I must've fallen asleep while I was trying to call everyone and make sure that everyone was okay — they weren't, oh _fuck _but they weren't — because when I wake up it's like nine'o'seven and I'm stretched out on the hallway floor. My parents must've just stepped over me on their way to work — do they know about the crash? Did I tell them? I can't remember, and that's just only slightly scary because, because I remember everything else that happened last night with the kind of clarity that lets you remember exactly what you were doing during the disaster when you were six years old, even though it's eleven years later, and —

The floor's cold, and the air conditioning is on too high.

I guess that happens.

The light on the answering machine — yeah, we still have one of those — is blinking faintly. I can see it from where I'm lying in the hallway out of the very corner of my eye, and I'm considering getting up to check the messages. They're probably from Itachi — the school — Deidara's dad — someone important.

That doesn't mean that I can really make myself get up and pick up the receiver.

Sometimes you just can't.

So I sit there, and kind of watch the light blink on my answering machines, and then some time has to pass, because time's always doing that — because after a while, I hear this really harsh set of knocks against my front door, and they're the kind of knocks you can't ignore.

Not like an inconspicuous little blinking light.

When I get up and answer the door — it takes me a good seven minutes — Kakuzu's the one standing on the other side. He's got this scowl on his face like _what the hell, Konan, _which I personally think is out of place, but, you know.

His facial expressions are his choice.

"Come on. We're going to the cave," he says, reaching out to tug at my wrist.

I'm in sweatpants and a Kuck Fonoha t-shirt, and my eyes are definitely red from crying, and why the hell would I want to go back to the cave, anyway? That's the last place I saw Deidara before he —

That's the last place I saw Pein and Tobi before they ended up in the hospital, I mean.

So, what I say is "No."

What Kakuzu says is "Yes, get in the damn car, it's idling."

So maybe it's because he's wasting gas while we argue, or maybe it's because I'm too tired and stressed to keep arguing, or maybe because I kind of want to see if the place has monumentally changed since yesterday, but I give him a tight little nod and stumble down the steps after him.

The door to the house might end up locked — I don't know, and I don't think to check until we're both in the car and Kakuzu has been driving (so, so slowly) for about ten minutes, so it goes unchecked. My parents probably won't care, will they, if something goes missing from the house?

Oh — maybe they will.

Whatever.

Kakuzu keeps driving, slow, and we don't talk about anything, until we get to the parking lot. Suddenly, he slams his foot onto the gas and peels into the parking spot he was in yesterday like it's the last two feet of some NASCAR race, and we leave my heart, stomach, and throat somewhere behind us.

"_Holy fuck Kakuzu _— _!"_

"Calm down," he mutters. "Some dick would've stolen it if I didn't — speed up."

There's no one else in the parking lot — it's nine a.m. on a goddamn _Tuesday _—but I let that go, because, okay, he's the driver and he's coping with this all too, right?

I hope he didn't drive like that on the way _to_ my house —

I don't have time to ask him, though — not like I really would — because he gets out of the car and slams the door.

Following is just about the only thing I can think of to do — he seems suddenly pissed and all kinds of edgy, but what am I going to do about that?

Some people numb themselves. Some people pretend nothing happened.

Some people are Kakuzu, and they do shit their own way.

We walk together — me in sweats and messy hair, red eyes; he in jeans and a wrinkled t-shirt, darkened eyes — along the paths until we get to the bridge. There really is no one else here; this is a popular place for families to come, and since all the kids should be in school, we're left to an empty park.

Well, not an _empty _park — the rangers are still here, because that's sort of their job.

"I almost thought the rest of the guys would be here," Kakuzu says quietly, quietly enough that at first I'm not sure he's really talking to _me._ "I tried to call Hidan this morning around seven, but he wouldn't pick up the phone."

"I had to call his landline to get a hold of him. And Pein, Zetsu, and Tobi are in the hospital. That just leaves…that just leaves Kisame, Itachi, and Sasori, and do you really think they'd come out here?" I ask him, hands shoved down deep into the pockets of my sweatpants. It's too warm for these pants.

I want to go down deeper into the park and the caves, down where it's dark and cool and maybe I can hide for a while —

(And, oh my god, that shouldn't leave just three.)

He shrugs, and I guess he's about to answer, when we hear this voice yelling from across the path.

"I _thought _I told you _goddamn kids _to stay out of the _damn _park!"

The ranger from yesterday — Genma, that was his name — is walking towards us with a fierce scowl on his face and a black bandanna tied around his forehead. I blink.

Kakuzu stiffens and glares.

"For god's sake —"

"You said we had to leave. Not that we couldn't come back," I say quickly. "We're not - we're not here to cause trouble. This is just —"

I flounder.

Kakuzu steps in, all brash and bristly and pissed as hell. "Our best friend just fucking _died, _you asshole. Fuck off."

Genma doesn't fuck off. Instead, he raises an eyebrow and gives each of us long looks.

"One of the kids from yesterday?"

I nod. "The blonde boy who fell in the water."

Genma's mouth opens a fraction, like he's going to say something, but then he snaps it shut again.

Probably a good idea.

"What happened?" He asks slowly, hands slipping into his pockets and long toothpick bobbing between his teeth.

"Car accident." Kakuzu says, still glowering at Genma. "Four other friends were hurt, so lay the hell off!"

Genma's lip curls just slightly. "Sorry for your loss."

Kakuzu doesn't answer, just turns to stalk off in some other direction, and I'm about to follow him — what the hell else am I gonna do? — when Genma yells out at us again.

"Wait! Hold up."

I hold up. Kakuzu does after a second and a loud, hissed sigh.

"I told you kids yesterday that someone died last week in the park, right."

Genma doesn't phrase it like a question. I vaguely remember and nod. Kakuzu doesn't react.

"That guy was one of my best friends. A ranger, actually. A couple of guys from out of town got into a fight near the Devil's Pool, and when Hayate — my friend — when he went to break it up and kick them out, he lost his footing and ended up in the water," Genma says slowly, flatly, not looking at either of us. "We didn't get him out in time. You — you were lucky, when your redheaded friend pulled the blonde out of the water over on the other side of the park. I was planning on telling you that when I saw you brats next anyway. But —"

He flounders.

Seems like everyone's doing that nowadays.

"— but I guess you weren't so lucky after all."


	8. Chapter 8

**do your worst and your best.**

**my warnings stand.**

beginning author's note (shuttup doing this makes me speechify less):

that last chapter was fucking ridiculous to write, seriously. this one was so much easier.

probably because it's hidan, and let's face it, he's easy to write.

**BETA: DICTIONARY INK. I MAINTAIN THAT YOU MUST READ ALL OF HER FANFIC TO BE HAPPY.**

question: is anyone NOT familiar with the yellow ribbon program?

chapter fun fact: i listened to **He's Hurting Me** by Maria Mena on repeat while writing this. not that the song is very well related to the story.

random fun fact: "acrylic", the story mentioned in my profile poll, is TENTATIVELY going to be a prequel to this. (toolazytocreateanewAUworld? ohofcoursenot.)

_chapter eight._

**hidan.**

around nine o'clock in the morning, Tuesday.

_(another simul!chapter)_

So I'm just sitting on the floor in my room, kind of hidden behind the closet door because I don't want to be out in the open, when of all people, fucking Ino Yamanaka comes busting through the doorway and skidding around my floor to face me.

"_Dammit, _Hidan!" She says, all breathless and panicky and shit. I honestly have no fucking clue why she's cussing at me; I'm not doing anything. I'm sitting. I'm not — doing — anything — at all. I'm sitting, and I'm breathing, and all the knives are in the kitchen and I stopped crying hours ago because I felt like a fucking pansy and because Deidara would've punched me if he saw it —

— and Deidara's never gonna punch me again, even if I am the world's biggest damn pansy.

Ino hits her knees in front of me, way up in my goddamn personal space, and if Deidara weren't dead and everyone else weren't hurt and there weren't this weird ass fucking emptiness spreading up from my feet to the top of my head, I might make something of that.

But.

"Are you okay?" She asks me, her purse all clutched up in shaky pale arms, and at first I wanna say _well fuck no princess_ but instead I just shrug my shoulder and don't look at her, because I'm _not_ a sucker for blue eyes or any of that pathetic girly bullshit, I just —

Deidara had blue eyes and blonde hair too, and he kept his hair up in a ponytail with one thick piece of hair over one of his eyes, and _shit you mean well Ino but why did you come here this can't help_ —

I don't know why I didn't expect her to show up. I've known Ino since her, like, freshman year or something. She's one of the juniors, one of Itachi's little brother's friends, and we were in the same drama class.

I mean, drama, right, it's a fucking throwaway that they put you in when you don't turn your scheduling sheet in on time or when your bitch of a mother wasn't sober long enough to sign the goddamn thing and you're the world's worst forger. And I wasn't going to do jack shit, so I just sat in the back of the auditorium it was held in and napped, mostly, and after a while this little blonde broad who always turned her homework in on time came and started sitting _next to me. _

What the fuck, right. What the fuck.

It was Ino, obviously, and she had it in her vapid little fucked-up heretic mind that she needed to be a Good Samaritan or something, and I guess I had it in my vapid little fucked-up mind that I needed somebody nearby, because I didn't chase her off or anything, and here we are two years later. Not that we fucking hang out all that much or anything, okay? It's just one of those things that happens.

She isn't Deidara. She isn't Kakuzu. She isn't Itachi or Konan or Sasori or Kisame or Tobi or Pein or Zetsu, and _fuck you i don't know her better than i know some of my best friends, don't like her any better either —_

I don't have Deidara anymore and I'm pretty sure that this time, Kakuzu fucking hates me and you don't bounce back from that. And the rest of them — bitches probably don't even really like me. I sound like a fucking pansy. I really am a fucking pansy.

( _i gave her my card too, the little white one with the yellow ribbon printed on it that they gave us at the last assembly of the last year )_

And here's Ino now.

She kind of rocks back so she's sitting on my floor instead of kneeling, and throws her purse so it slides under my bed, and then she just stares at me. "Are you okay? Really okay?"

"Who told you?" She's Ino and no one else really knows that I'm something you could consider friendly with her, so who the hell told her about what happened? Does she really know what happened or does she just know that something's wrong horribly wrong _wrong._

Now her shoulders tilt like mine did, and I still don't wanna look right at her because it's bad enough that I'm looking at her hands and they're just as slim and delicate as Deidara's were, although she works with flowers and he made sculptures in the art room after school let out every Thursday afternoon. "Sakura Haruno. There's a rest in peace text going around for him, and there was an assembly."

Maybe I choke a little. I almost don't mean anything I tell her. Sakura Haruno, of course she knows everything, nosy bitch — no, wait, she's Itachi's brother's friend too, isn't she? Who the hell has Sasuke told? What has he told — why do I care, if people know? "Well, that's fucking sweet of them. Was it nice?"

"I don't know," she tells me, manicured fingernails nothing like his — my eyes zero in on them — tap-tapping away at my floor, "I left to find you as soon as I heard that one of your friends was dead. I was afraid," now maybe she chokes a little, _stupid bitch don't do this to me, _"I was afraid maybe I'd find out that you were dead."

"You're not gonna," I start to say, and then I realize that for some damned stupid reason, I can't lie to Ino right now, "I didn't even really think about it that much, okay? I thought about other goddamn things," _like how bad it must've looked when they arrived on the scene and he was all bloody and everyone else was tangled up in the car, _"and here I am."

"Here you are," she agrees, and her fingernails start scratching across the wood instead of tapping, "and here I am. Let's…not be here. It's too dark."

"And where the fuck are we gonna go?" I ask her.

"Anywhere you wanna," she tells me, and I glance up at her face. "I've got my car and a full tank of gas."

I shake my head, quick and hard and it rattles my brain and I can feel a headache coming on. "No. No cars."

She falters for a second, and digs her teeth into her bottom lip, and damn, Ino.

"Alright. Come on." She grabs my hand and pulls me up to stand, and I don't know what the hell she's doing.

"I said no cars."

She rolls her eyes at me and doesn't let go of my hand, and it doesn't feel shitty to have someone around. "We're gonna walk, then."


End file.
